Here Without You
by OreoFudge'D
Summary: the worst pain. the worst memory. our memories. if i just realized it before it's too late. ExB


**flashbacks are italicized. :D**

**anyway. this is my advance valentine's day gift for everyone. please read and review. it's just a one shot, but please please give it a try. i need your feedback.**

**disclaimer: i own nothing. :(**

**summary: **the worst pain. the worst memory. our memories. if i just realized it before it's too late. ExB

info: ex-girlfriend because edwasid is single here and they broke up years ago. just read the story to understand. :]

EPOV

Pain. A feeling too strong to ignore, too noticeable to deny. How do you live life along with pain? Is there anything that can cure this? Can you escape from it?

I walked at the shore, reminiscing the past. Everytime I thought of them, it just kills me inside. I didn't know that one person can change my life. I didn't know how much it would cost me to choose something my mind wants. Giving up your heart's desire is the best kind of suicide.

_"Edward." my ex-girlfriend slowly walked. I opened my arms to catch her. When I looked at her face, I saw her red and puffy eyes._

_"What's wrong? Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you? What happened?" my overprotective hormones kicked in. I don't want anyone hurting my girl, and my _best friend. _Just best friend._

_"N-N-No. I don't want to die yet. No!" she whimpered on my chest._

_"What? What do you mean?" I was confused. Die? My ex-girlfriend is young, beautiful with maroon eyes and black hair. She's about 5ft. 9 with a body of an athlete._

_"Edward. I'm dying. I am sick. I need another heart. This heart." she placed my hand on her chest, just above her heart. "This heart is weak. I'm going to die."_

That day, my mind gave me a hard time. I wanted to cry, I wanted to let everything out, but there were just no tears. If there are no tears, is this really love? The last time I cried before knowing that my ex-girlfriend is sick was when Bella, my best friend, had her summer with her mom, Renee.

_"Bella. Why can't you just stay here for the summer?" I asked with my head down, I couldn't bear see her face now._

_"Edward. I'm sorry. Mom needs me there to babysit her twins. It's just the summer. I'm coming back." she cupped my face with her hands. She's smiling sadly at me with her tear-stained face. She wiped my tears too._

_"I'm sorry. I'm overacting." I hugged her, feeling her warm body against mine. We stayed like that for a moment._

_"I'm coming back." She tiptoed to kiss my forehead._

I let a tear fall as I remember her. Why did she always have to be self sacrificing? Why does she always have to prioritize the happiness of others before herself? The memory of the time when she met my ex-girlfriend is still fresh. I knew she's hurting, but my mind is too happy that's why I ignored her.

_We're waiting in front of a small restaurant. Bella is beautiful as always, her green dress hugging her curves perfectly. I was fidgeting every now and then. What is she hates me? What if she cancels?_

_"Edward. Stop walking. You know she'll love you." Bella said. She's just standing at the corner, looking at something far away outside._

_"I know. I'm just nervous." I stopped in front of her. She looked at me with dead eyes. They are void of emotions._

_"Don't be." I saw a small hint of sadness before she put her attention on my tie, arranging it. "You look perfect. Now go and make the move."_

_"Thank you. I don't know what to do without you."_

I knew she's a terrible liar. After knowing her for almost my whole life, I could read her every move, every emotion. It's like we're linked with a crazy connection and that we could exist in a world with just the two of us. I never missed any tear she had shed, just once.

_"Oh. Edward. What are you doing here?" Bella asked as she opened her dorm room. Today is her birthday, but unfortunately, I had a date._

_"I just came here to say happy birthday and I'm sorry if I can't be with you because I have a date." I gave her my present, a stuffed toy she loved a lot._

_"Thank you. Now go to your date." She kissed my cheek, and closed the door. She thought I didn't notice her body starting to shake as the door closed. I sighed heavily, walking away with guilt because of not being with my best friend on her birthday and making her cry, not even having the chance to wipe them._

I brought the stuff toy along with me everytime I walk to this familiar path. This always reminds me of her. It still has her smell. It's been a part of her, and I'm glad that I gave it to her. Like this thing, Bella is always with me, through good times or bad times.

_I got detention today. My first. It's all because of Mike Newton trying to hit on Bella. What part of the sentence '_ Don't even try because I will not accept. ' _can' he understand? Well, typical Mike. When did he use his mind to understand things? Bella was sitting beside me today. She just decided to stay._

_"You shouldn't have punched him. Now your clean record has gone to waste." She shrugged as she placed her forehead at the top of the table._

_"I have to. When did he even understand that you won't go on a date with him?" I leaned back on the chair._

_"You don't have to worry now okay? I'm here, far away from them."_

_"Of course. At least you're here safe with me."_

We've spent lots of times together. She's always near, just in arm's reach. How I missed those times when I could still hold on to her. She's always the supportive one, the only person who couls see light in the darkness.

_The application from my ex-girlfriend's hospital would arrive today. I decided to stay with her today. I pulled Bella and the group along because I'm too scared. Beside me, Bella's nervously looking at the clock._

_"You're shaking Bells." I pointed out._

_"Well, I'm just nervous for her, that's all." We let the subject drop. Minutes later, the letter arrived. My ex-girlfriend opened it and squealed._

_"I'm going to live!" she shouted. For the first time since I had a relationship with her, Bella smiled a real time. I saw happiness in her eyes as tears started to flow from them, but at the same time, sadness shadowed them._

_"Congratulations." She hugged my ex-girlfriend as she hugged her back._

That day was sure a big one for us. We laughed, we cried, we got angry. It's a great bonding day. We spent the day at the park, the mall, and the beach side. But among all those places, the most remarkable one Bella and I went on to was at the bookstore.

_Bella was busy picking random books from the shelf. I was doing the same, just a little faster than her. She's reading at the summaries of the books, maybe getting ideas from them. Bella is a talented story writer._

_"Edward?" she called me._

_"Hmm?"_

_"What are you going to feel if you learned that someone you cared for is about to die?" she asked me. I was not surprised by the question. I've been through that situation just hours ago._

_"I would be devastated. I didn't want people I love slipping away in my life." I answered._

_"What if you don't know that someone you cared for is about to die, and one day someone just tells you about it?" I was quite taken back by her question._

_"I would go crazy, especially if that person is the most important one in my life." I looked at her, and she nodded her head._

_"My mom asked me to visit her again." she said. There is an odd silence between us until I responded._

_"Okay."_

That's the worst reply I'd given her. In my whole life, I never answered her with just a simple okay. I didn't know that my answer will greatly affect my life.

_"Flight to Phoenix Arizona please proceed inside now." the announcer said over the speaker. Everyone had said goodbye to Bella already. I looked at her and tapped her shoulder._

_"When are you coming back?" I asked. That question is playing in my mind all over again since last night. I was really bothered by her leaving, and I don't know why._

_"I don't know if I'm coming back." She didn't face me and started to walk, but I reached her hand just on time._

_"W-W-What?"_

_"I don't know if I'm coming back Edward." She placed a letter on my hand. "Read this when your girlfriend returns." She kissed my cheek as a tear rolled down her cheek. I wiped them, not knowing it would be the last time I could do it._

_"Goodbye Edward." She kissed my cheek and walked away. Little did I know it would be the last time I'm going to see her._

The operation was a success. My ex-girlfriend's body accepted the heart. Doctors said the heart is strong. She just needs a little rest and some visits to the doctor for the month then she's free. They told them that she'll live a long life, and that she's lucky because of the heart. She returned, and that's the only time I learned everything.

_My ex-girlfriend walked at the living room. Everyone's waiting for her there. I knew they're happy, but all of their faces are fallen. Esme, Rose, and Alice looked like they're about to cry any minute. Emmett and Jasper aren't fooling around, just comforting their girls. Carlisle looks tired and sad, like he just made a big mistake. The doorbell rang, and I opened the door._

_"Hey. I missed you." I hugged my ex-girlfriend, but she didn't hug me back._

_"What's wrong?" I asked. She seemed fine._

_"Nothing. Come." She entered inside and dragged me slowly to where my family is. As soon as she released me, the girls bursted into tears. Emmett and Jasper carried Rose and Alice in their room. Esme just sobbed in Carlisle's shoulder while he softly rubbed her back._

_"Edward. I'm sorry. I have to break this up. This is the most stupid thing I've done." she balled her hand. I tried to stop her, but she shoved my hand away._

_"Just read the letter. Okay?" She kissed me at the cheek. "Goodbye Edward. I'm sorry. So sorry." she ran away quickly out of the house. I followed what she said and went to my room to read the letter._

_Dear Edward,_

_I'm sorry if I didn't inform you sooner. I know you're going to hate me for doing this. I want you to be happy, I want you to spend your life with someone you love. I know I'm just your best friend and I can't do anything._

_By the time you're reading this, I'm long gone. Even if you hire a search party to look for me, you won't find me. I'll be at the morgue maybe, and I won't see you again. I would never have the chance to open my eyes again and stare at your eyes._

_I want to say sorry for not being honest with you. I know it's too late, but I want you to know how much I love you. I sound silly; falling in love with my best friend isn't the best thing I could do. I'm always there Edward, by your side. I'm always waiting for you. I feel stupid; it's pretty obvious that your attention is for her only.I shouldn't have._

_I didn't really had a vacation with my mom. I was the heart donor of your girlfriend. Even though I won't have the chance, I want the others to see you with her staying together, getting married, and having a family of your own. I gave up my life knowing that there's nothing I could do to make this life of mine better. I gave her my heart because I want to share something good._

_Edward, live a happy life. Never forget to thank for every second on your life. There are things in this world we can't control, and my decision is one of them. I know one day, we'll meet again. Just live your life and have fun. Don't worry, I'll always be watching you._

_I love you._

_Bella_

I still have the letter right now. It's one thing I read when everything seems to be on the wrong place. The letter gives me comfort; it's just like before, Bella is there to be with me. Why does it have to be so late? I realized I've fallen in love with her, but it's too late.

_Every family member is done with their messages. Renee is crying all along, while Charlie tried to be strong. My sister and Rose cried, so did my mom, dad, Emmett, and Jasper. The last person they're waiting for is me. I stood up, and walked slowly in front._

_"Bella." I took a deep breath."Bella is one person who made my day. When everything is down, she always finds a way to raise me up. She's there when I'm unsure of my feelings, when all I want to do is cry, when I'm in need. She's one person I lean on to. I want her to be here, to say to me everything's going to be fine._

_"At first I was mad when she told me that she's unsure of coming back. I want to tell her to stay, but I can't. I've never felt so helpless in my life before. It's just her that makes me strong. The onl one who helps me push through._

_"When I've found out about the truth, I-I-I-" I paused because my chest feels so heavy. "I don't know what to do, how to feel. I never thought that she'll do that. Then I realized the worst thing: I'm in love with her for a long time and I didn't have the chance to tell her._

_"I-I-I love you Bella. So much." I reached for her open casket and held on her soft but icy cold hands. "Why did you have to leave me?"_

That's the last time I've held on her. I didn't have my first kiss, I didn't have another best friend. I'm already 35, a world renouned pianist, but I would never feel the same thing, the same love and happiness I've felt when Bella is still here. Since that day, I became numb, and I died. I would never feel alive again, but I still hope.

Bella told me that we'll meet again and that she's watching me. Who knows? That day might be near.


End file.
